There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
