i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
