he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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