Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
