Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
