We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
