shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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