i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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