Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
