You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
