I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Found the puke drawer
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
