"it" just moved
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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