Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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