A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
