this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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