Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
