a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize