she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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