Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
