I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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