when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
