New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
