College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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