That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
