My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
