You're completely useless in the revolution.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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