Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
