I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
