They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
