Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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