Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
