I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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