the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
