herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
