For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
