if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
