I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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