I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
