The maid of honor just puked.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
