The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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