was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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