i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
