Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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