I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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