she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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