And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
