The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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