It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
