She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
