dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
