I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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