Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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