we have officially lost it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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