I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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