Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
