i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
