If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
