I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
