I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
