I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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