I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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