I cockslap morals
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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