you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
