Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just google imaged poop.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
