I am in a vortex of obligation.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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