Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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