Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
