We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
