Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
