What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
