If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
