Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
try to milk me bitch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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