no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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