Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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