Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
