I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
