so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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