____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
