We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
