She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
