I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dear god my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
