Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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