If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
