You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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