There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm too high and old for this...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
