She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
