it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize