he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
