You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
