At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
