this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
